david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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