Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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