You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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