I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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