I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
