she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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