If i come over, it means nothing
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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