i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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