I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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