You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
