I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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