he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
