when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
