I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
