My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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