i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
