As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is my gift to your gina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
