she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He better not be in your backpack
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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