Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
