Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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