He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
