We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
