Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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