3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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