garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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