weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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