there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
