So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
