TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
