Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
