I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
