so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
