come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You need a sexual gate keeper
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
