Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
