Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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