I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
