I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
