i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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