So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
