god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
