he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
