DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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