They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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