her vagine was all disorganized.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no you cant smoke seaweed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
