How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
