a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
