I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
