If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
