He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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