Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
