What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
