You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
