We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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