His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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