I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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