I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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