Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
