dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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