How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF