He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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