i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson