I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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