Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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