Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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