have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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