Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
