Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
