Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
