i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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