I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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